Can I escape the grip of PTSD?
Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett
The Guardian
20.10.18
Illustration: Leonard Beard
Synopsis:
Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett has published a book "The Tyranny Of Lost Things" and, I assume as a nod to this, she recently wrote this frank but easy-to-read article in The Guardian on her experiences with #PTSD and #treatment.
I enjoyed her style of writing, so I have quoted some excerpts here to give you a flavour - mostly because I want you to go and read it too!
I have been mad once before, in 2011. I should stop saying mad and use the clinical diagnosis: I have post-traumatic stress disorder. PTSD for short (snappier). I do this – make cracks to try and appear dry and flippant about my illness. Because it shows I have a sense of humour, because it shows I’m not just a victim. I have alluded to it, but no one knows how bad it was. Except maybe my husband. And maybe my mother.
(My husband) ... has never known pre-trauma me. I want to tell him that I used to be more excited about the world than I was frightened of it. I want him to know that I used to be cool, that, before my universe narrowed to a pinprick, I was someone better, someone fun. I want him to know that he’d have loved her even more.
It takes more than a year to finish the trauma-focused CBT. In combination with medication, it starts to work. I go outside again. I take a plane. I sit in a square in the sun. I go to bars and out to eat. I get the tube in rush hour. I no longer live with the contradiction of fearing death while at the same time wanting to throw myself in front of oncoming traffic in order to stop that ever-present fear. It feels like a miracle.
I look back on the frightened person I was, who every day saw a thousand impending catastrophes heading straight for her, and I barely recognise her. Who was she? Not me. A mad person. Me but not-me.
The PTSD Action Group's comments on her article:
This article depicts one woman's traumatic experiences that led to her being diagnosed with PTSD. The author highlights familiar elements of therapy and talked about the reliving elements of trauma focused CBT. Much of it resonated with our own experience i.e. the feeling of fight or flight and overwhelming terror that is re-experienced on a frequent basis following a traumatic event.
The author talked about her experiences as if they were not her own which also chimes with the experiences of our members (deperonalisation/derealisation). We all particularly understood her frustration at having to complete tick box questionnaires, which don't capture the day-to-day reality of living with PTSD.
The article focused on her experiences of treatment rather than the circumstances which led to her accessing services. We all thought it would be helpful to also hear about the progress she made in treatment... perhaps that is something covered in the book!
We thought that people with PTSD, Friends and Family and Clinicians would be particularly interested in reading this article; however, it also has a broader appeal so don't hold back!
It was a very helpful article to read and we recommend that you seek it out (links above).
This review was written by experts-by-experience and clinical-experts
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